How do I deal?

I think when people talk about disabilities, I think one of the hardest subjects to touch is the way people react. This is a very wide topic. And I have so much to say. The problem how do I start? I guess by saying that my opinions and advice may not be those of you or someone else. So don't jump on me, please. Oh, lord. Here goes.

I've had enough experiences with people, questions, and taunts. Alot of times, people are curious and ask alot of questions, such as "How much can you see?" I usually answer these questions because it means they (usually) are open and ready to accept you. They obviously want to learn about you and understand you. And, for a kid or teen, 4 times out of 5, won't pick on you afterwards. Now, you may not feel comfortable answering a question. That's all right. But don't yell in their face unless it really was a question that wasn't needed to be asked. You make the judgement there. If a question is asked that you don't KNOW the answer to, but want to answer, try your best. Usually they will get the message.

Next is the object of informing. Whether you are entering the work field (Tra la la!), a new school, or college, people are going to need to know. For instance, when it comes to new teachers, it takes me awhile to get comfortable with talking to him or her. But I have to let them know that I need large print stuff. So I have to get over it. But it embarrasses me to have to tell them,(in not-so- crude terms) Hey, I need big stuff. No, I don't put it that way. More like I pull my teacher aside and politely explain it. But you know that your classmates (or fellow workers or whatever the case.) will eventually figure it out. My way of informing them is to do some sort of "presentation." for my class on what is 'wrong' with me. (Or you can just stand on your desk and yell "Hey, free pizza for everyone who figures out what disability I have! And while you're at it, look up the word septo for me!)

But, I don't think you wanna do the latter.

How you inform others is your choice. If you do it as a presentation, here are some tips:

• a) Stick to the point- Don't run long, yet use enough detail.
• b) Make it comical- If people think you have a sense of humor (as such, I often make jokes about my books being written by the Jolly Green Giant.) they will see that you are optimistic and don't let your disability get you down.
• c) Use vidual aides- Make it entertaining so you can keep their attention.
• d)Be yourself- People are learning about YOU!!

Basically just do what suits you.

Next is a touchy issue with all of us. Confrontation. How do people look at you? Do they tease you? Do they look down on you? Or do they treat you equally? I feel that people react depending on how they cope. If they cope well, then they'll act normal around you. If they like you, they'll hang around you. If not, then they won't. Remember, not everyone in this world likes you. You can't MAKE people like you. But, even if they don't like you, they still have to co-exist with you. If they don't cope well, they may treat you low. That can mean them taunting you or, so to speak, looking down on you. Making you look like a kid to them. I've always been told that people do that because they're insecure. I don't know. The taunting is a lot harder than the imagery. I was told growing up that ignoring them works. But remember this: practically every kid on this planet is told that so it doesn't work. They know their taunts hurt you. They do hurt. You can't prevent that. I seriously discourage using that as an excuse. I mean, a lot of the time in school, I was brushed off by teachers who told me to ignore kids. There are some things you can ignore. Little stupid things like "You're an idiot." and garbage like that. I mean come on, those are so easy to ignore. There's a line between "Kids will be kids" and "Serious Harrasment" I think most people can draw that line themselves.

To sum that up, you know what can and can't be ignored. One of my experiences of contrast:

((I'm not going to use the real names of people or what year I met them in to keep privacy.)) I've been best friends with this girl, Beth, for awhile. We're pretty close. She also has a disability. Common link, I guess.Anyway, an ignorable situation we both went through was this boy in Science class who bothered everyone. He just liked attention, I guess. All you had to do was move away from him and he wouldn't bother. Now, an unignorable situation was this. This girl, Felicity, has also known me for awhile. We were on again, off again friends.

Finally we just stopped being friends. She was pretty mean to me. But I had to put up with her if I wanted to hang with Beth. So I tried to ignore her and got sick of it. Beth told me she didn't like Felicity. I asked why we were sitting with her, but when we moved, she followed us. So we were stuck. She called me names, made threats and everything without actual injury under the sun. The officials at the place where this was occuring wouldn't do anything, because she also had a disability. So they went easy on her. But each day she grew worse. Each day, inside, I dreaded going to school. Each class wore on me. I couldn't concentrate. Finally, it happened. At lunch, I sat down. Beth was absent. It was me and Felicity. Out of my pocket, I pulled a folded paper. A note to try and make peace. I gave it to her and she ripped it up. Then I told her to tell me why she hated me. (Please don't think I'm just saying this, but..) She said it was because I was always nice. An it was true. I always try. I mean I'm not always nice. It isn't possible. But I try to respect people. In other words, I'm not one to taunt. Unless I'm really teed off. Well I talked and told her she couldn't control me. Well she said yes she could. And I told her to leave me alone at the upcoming dance. She said if there was a fire arm with her and I went near Beth, she would shoot me. Later, my stepdad overheard me telling Beth. He was mad as they come. My parents went to the school next day and solved it. So there's a case you don't ignore.

Well finally there's the family life. Even after you've lived with them your whole life, they are always adjusting. It's not easy. Heck, my family still isn't used to me taking slow steps when I walk down the stairs. And if you're in a step family, it's REALLY hard. Sometimes, siblings tease you or exclude you. That's the hardest. Just remember. If you are the family member of someone with a disability, let them know that home is one place where they are safe from ridicule. Doing that is one of the MOST important things you can do for them. Well, I'm sure you're sick of me now. Hee hee. So, goodbye.

-By Bunnie

copyright 1998 How do I deal?

I think when people talk about disabilities, I think one of the hardest subjects to touch is the way people react. This is a very wide topic. And I have so much to say. The problem how do I start? I guess by saying that my opinions and advice may not be those of you or someone else. So don't jump on me, please. Oh, lord. Here goes.

I've had enough experiences with people, questions, and taunts. Alot of times, people are curious and ask alot of questions, such as "How much can you see?" I usually answer these questions because it means they (usually) are open and ready to accept you. They obviously want to learn about you and understand you. And, for a kid or teen, 4 times out of 5, won't pick on you afterwards. Now, you may not feel comfortable answering a question. That's all right. But don't yell in their face unless it really was a question that wasn't needed to be asked. You make the judgement there. If a question is asked that you don't KNOW the answer to, but want to answer, try your best. Usually they will get the message.

Next is the object of informing. Whether you are entering the work field (Tra la la!), a new school, or college, people are going to need to know. For instance, when it comes to new teachers, it takes me awhile to get comfortable with talking to him or her. But I have to let them know that I need large print stuff. So I have to get over it. But it embarrasses me to have to tell them,(in not-so- crude terms) Hey, I need big stuff. No, I don't put it that way. More like I pull my teacher aside and politely explain it. But you know that your classmates (or fellow workers or whatever the case.) will eventually figure it out. My way of informing them is to do some sort of "presentation." for my class on what is 'wrong' with me. (Or you can just stand on your desk and yell "Hey, free pizza for everyone who figures out what disability I have! And while you're at it, look up the word septo for me!)

But, I don't think you wanna do the latter.

How you inform others is your choice. If you do it as a presentation, here are some tips:

• a) Stick to the point- Don't run long, yet use enough detail.
• b) Make it comical- If people think you have a sense of humor (as such, I often make jokes about my books being written by the Jolly Green Giant.) they will see that you are optimistic and don't let your disability get you down.
• c) Use vidual aides- Make it entertaining so you can keep their attention.
• d)Be yourself- People are learning about YOU!!

Basically just do what suits you.

Next is a touchy issue with all of us. Confrontation. How do people look at you? Do they tease you? Do they look down on you? Or do they treat you equally? I feel that people react depending on how they cope. If they cope well, then they'll act normal around you. If they like you, they'll hang around you. If not, then they won't. Remember, not everyone in this world likes you. You can't MAKE people like you. But, even if they don't like you, they still have to co-exist with you. If they don't cope well, they may treat you low. That can mean them taunting you or, so to speak, looking down on you. Making you look like a kid to them. I've always been told that people do that because they're insecure. I don't know. The taunting is a lot harder than the imagery. I was told growing up that ignoring them works. But remember this: practically every kid on this planet is told that so it doesn't work. They know their taunts hurt you. They do hurt. You can't prevent that. I seriously discourage using that as an excuse. I mean, a lot of the time in school, I was brushed off by teachers who told me to ignore kids. There are some things you can ignore. Little stupid things like "You're an idiot." and garbage like that. I mean come on, those are so easy to ignore. There's a line between "Kids will be kids" and "Serious Harrasment" I think most people can draw that line themselves.

To sum that up, you know what can and can't be ignored. One of my experiences of contrast:

((I'm not going to use the real names of people or what year I met them in to keep privacy.)) I've been best friends with this girl, Beth, for awhile. We're pretty close. She also has a disability. Common link, I guess.Anyway, an ignorable situation we both went through was this boy in Science class who bothered everyone. He just liked attention, I guess. All you had to do was move away from him and he wouldn't bother. Now, an unignorable situation was this. This girl, Felicity, has also known me for awhile. We were on again, off again friends.

Finally we just stopped being friends. She was pretty mean to me. But I had to put up with her if I wanted to hang with Beth. So I tried to ignore her and got sick of it. Beth told me she didn't like Felicity. I asked why we were sitting with her, but when we moved, she followed us. So we were stuck. She called me names, made threats and everything without actual injury under the sun. The officials at the place where this was occuring wouldn't do anything, because she also had a disability. So they went easy on her. But each day she grew worse. Each day, inside, I dreaded going to school. Each class wore on me. I couldn't concentrate. Finally, it happened. At lunch, I sat down. Beth was absent. It was me and Felicity. Out of my pocket, I pulled a folded paper. A note to try and make peace. I gave it to her and she ripped it up. Then I told her to tell me why she hated me. (Please don't think I'm just saying this, but..) She said it was because I was always nice. An it was true. I always try. I mean I'm not always nice. It isn't possible. But I try to respect people. In other words, I'm not one to taunt. Unless I'm really teed off. Well I talked and told her she couldn't control me. Well she said yes she could. And I told her to leave me alone at the upcoming dance. She said if there was a fire arm with her and I went near Beth, she would shoot me. Later, my stepdad overheard me telling Beth. He was mad as they come. My parents went to the school next day and solved it. So there's a case you don't ignore.

Well finally there's the family life. Even after you've lived with them your whole life, they are always adjusting. It's not easy. Heck, my family still isn't used to me taking slow steps when I walk down the stairs. And if you're in a step family, it's REALLY hard. Sometimes, siblings tease you or exclude you. That's the hardest. Just remember. If you are the family member of someone with a disability, let them know that home is one place where they are safe from ridicule. Doing that is one of the MOST important things you can do for them. Well, I'm sure you're sick of me now. Hee hee. So, goodbye.

-By Bunnie

copyright 1998